Theme Park Fashion

This past weekend my wife and I attended an amusement park. In attending this park, I got to thinking what life lessons I could learn from this experience that I could pass onto others who did not have the opportunity to experience the same excitement as I. I desperately wanted to write something down that could have an astounding effect on people. However, I noticed that there were not any great moments that I could find such a lesson. Therefore, instead of such an epic, I decided that I would list things that I did learn that could make a mild impression on people given the chance, and perhaps, give mild lessons in fashion and plain common sense.

Lesson 1:
The hotter the climate the fewer clothes people tend to wear. This may seem obvious, but it seems there are still people out there that do not understand the fashion rules that come along with less clothing…if you are on the heavier side that does not give you the right to still flaunt “everything that your mama gave you”. This means don’t wear shorts that will reveal the canal of life, and tank tops that will show the unsupported girls.

Lesson 2:
Ladies, please, please wear a bra; especially when there is a risk that you could be getting wet from the bumper boats. And if there is some great reason that you can’t abide by this rule don’t wear white shirts, tank tops, or halter tops. This is an amusement park; we don’t want to confuse all the babies out there wanting their hourly feedings.

Lesson 3:
Teenagers, just because you try to dress “hard” does not give you guys the excuse to be rude to older people. I can not stand bratty kids. When the workers give you a warning not to rev your go-kart engine do not keep pushing their tolerance.

Lesson 4:
The ticket prizes from the arcade games are not worth the time and money. Honestly, for a small stuffed animal it was like 200 tickets. Think about it, how much money did it cost you to get that many tickets? Close to $5.00…save your money and buy the same thing from the dollar store.

Lesson 5:
Just because it is hot as hell outside does not allow you to skip looking at your self in the mirror before you go to the park. Honestly, make sure your clothes match, your hair is done (visors do not excuse the styling of your hair), perhaps even put on makeup. Because, heaven forbid you run into the love of your life and you look like you had just been picking up the dog mess in the yard.

And gentlemen, these same rules go for you. No one wants to be squirting you in the bumper boats and see your little soldier. And if you have man boobs, please don’t wear a loose tank top that allows the world to see your world.